Bullying/Harassing/Threatening Behavior

Bullying is generally defined as deliberate hostile behavior by one or more people with the intent to harm others. It can take the form of verbal harassment, threatening behavior, or physical assault. No matter what type of bullying you may be experiencing, you can rest assured that you're not alone. According to a study done in 2003 by the National Education Association, one in seven students is either a bully or a victim of bullying.

There's lots of advice out there about how to deal with being bullied, harassed, or threatened. Unfortunately much of the advice is either not helpful or bad advice to begin with. You've probably heard at least one person even dismiss bullying as a problem by claiming that "bullying is normal; it's just a stage." Some people advocate the passive approach: "just ignore the bully completely. If you do that, the bully will lose interest and move on to another target." Some even say that "if you tell someone what's happening, it's just going to make the bullying worse. Of course, others advocate the "eye for an eye" approach: "if someone hits you, you should hit them back--that'll stop them."

First, it is not normal to deliberately torment, harass, or threaten someone. Often those who dismiss bullying as a problem also throw in the claim that "dealing with it builds character." In our opinion, character can be built just fine in other ways. The advice to ignore the bully completely only works until you actually get physically assaulted. It's relatively hard to ignore being punched. The idea of hitting back a bully who hit you may be briefly satisfying; however, if it's a group of people who are involved, the odds of one versus more than one are not in your favor. While you should certainly defend yourself as best you can, you need to make sure it's clear that that is what you're doing and that you're not the instigator. Otherwise, depending on where the encounter takes place, you could end up being suspended, expelled, or even arrested for physical assault.

Here's our advice. If someone is verbally abusing you and you don't think he or she is going to physically abuse you, sure, try ignoring the person. Don't react at all; certainly don't get angry or show fear because that's what the person wants. You can also try the strategy of "Yes, absolutely. I also . . ." which works like this:

Abuser: You're fat and stupid.

You: Yes, absolutely. I also eat babies.

Such a ludicrous response tends to leave the abuser speechless. Feel free to mix up the " I also" as you wish--statements such as "I also travel solely via submarine" or "I also can only sleep to the soothing sounds of a blender grinding ice" work nicely.

Verbal harassment is bad enough; but if a bully begins to threaten you, physically assault you, or attempts to extort money or belongings from you (i.e., "Give me five dollars or I'll beat you up."), you have an even more difficult situation to handle. If you give into the demands, you're then automatically considered to be an "easy target." Surrounding yourself with friends might help reduce the possibility of a physical assault; however, that's not always going to be possible. We strongly believe that if you think you are in danger in any way from a bully, you need to ask for adult help, whether it's from your parents, school principal, or the police.

Truthfully, dealing with bullying isn't our area of expertise, so we don't have many suggestions to offer. If you have other advice or suggestions for dealing with any form of bullying that might benefit others, please let us know. You can find the appropriate e-mail address on the Contact Us page.